This year, I recieved some mildly troubling health news for the first time in my 31 years of life. For the second year in a row at my annual doctor’s visit, I tested positive for a high risk strain of HPV, something that— I was informed by my healthcare provider, was not in and of itself overly worrying, but had the potential to become a problem.

As it was explained to me, most people in their life are exposed to and catch a form of HPV at some point in their lives, and for most, it’s something their immune system fights off naturally. But some people, like me, experience a little more difficulty fighting it off for whatever reason. As every immune system operates differently it seems like it’s hard to exactly pinpoint why this happens.

For me, this meant I needed to undergo further testing, in the form of a colposcopy, an exam that involved getting a biopsy of my cervix to look for abnormal cells. I’m still waiting to hear back on the final results, but the initial test looks like there are some abnormal cells in the lowest-risk category, which means I have a 60% chance of fighting off the virus naturally. However, if the results come back that I have even more of a high risk cell type, this could indicate the danger of those cells becoming cervical cancer.

Now, if you’re anything like me— a hypochondriac by nature and a natural-born worrier— the C-word is probably the worst thing you could hear. And even though this is bascially a pre-screening, and something I’ve been told I don’t need to be all that concerned about, it’s still a tough thing to confront.

And that’s what I’ve been struggling with, this notion that I shouldn’t be ‘overly concerned’ and most likely I will be fine, as the data suggests. But as an anxiety-prone person, this is a hard space to live in for the next few weeks as I wait for the final results. My nature is to prepare for the worst-case scenario, which would be a second procedure to remove the potentially pre-cancerous cells from my cervix (which is an outpatient procedure they do in doctor’s offices, and overall pretty minor).

But it’s hard to imagine that in a year that could possibly be something I have to confront. Even though it’s a minor thing, it is the biggest health scare I’ve faced in my life. I am struggling with my view of myself and wondering if there’s something more I could have done to boost my immune system over the past few years to prevent this from even becoming a problem.

It’s making me take a different view of this whole year, as a chance to take the best care of my body as possible, to make sure that I’m making healthy choices and always prioritizing my health over all else.

As someone who has struggled off and on with basic self care and making sure I’m getting all the right nutrients and exercise each day, it’s a bit daunting, but it feels more important than even to re-commit to myself and intentionally making sure I’m living as well as I possibly can.

I know this post might not be much more than a little information about a fairly common medical procedure and problem that many women face, but to me, this is the first time I’ve come across any information about a colposcopy and basic information about cerivcal cancer risk.

If this only serves as a message to take the best care of yourself as you can, then that’s enough for me.