It all started in 2020, as many interesting stories of late seem to. My now-husband and I were on a little vacation at Rockaway Beach, Oregon. We had a stick-and-poke kit spread out on the wooden floor of the cabin, and we were sitting on a little loveseat overlooking the ocean as the sun was going down over the coast.

It made for a pretty epic backdrop for my first tattoo, an image I won’t ever forget. We had an open bottle of red wine, and had been playing card games and watching movies all weekend, and finaly it had come to this— what I knew I wanted to do on this trip: let him tattoo me.

Now, let me go back and start by saying, I am a very calculated, intentional person. High on the anxiety scale, I never was a risk-taker. Not one for rollercoasters, spontaneous road trips, or scary movies. I would not consider myself someone to throw caution to the wind, especially when it comes to body modification. I have a few cartilege piercings — 3 to be exact, but these aren’t exactly the markings of a rebel when it comes to permanent body mods. However, I think you could call it a precursor for things to come, becasue as soon as I got one piercing, I was always craving another. I think that’s probably how it always starts.

The ideas for tattoos started flowing sometime towards the end of college. And let me just say, I am extremely glad that I didn’t get any of those things tattooed on me that I had planned for at the age of 21. I do think that there’s something to waiting until my 29th year to start my tattoo journey that enabled me to get tattoos that I think I will love for the rest of my life. Aboslutely no shade to those who go for it at a younger age— I wish I had that confidence at the time, but I just didn’t know or trust myself very well yet. That’s partly why I think that my late 20s was the right time for me to start my love affair with tattoos.

That first tattoo was so special, mostly because it was a memorable night with my now-husband. But also because it was our first out-of-state trip together, and a special time in our lives where our relationship was brand new and we were in the middle of falling in love. We had always planned to bring the stick-and-poke kit along on this trip, and I knew that I would get something tattooed on me, but even days before the trip I had no idea what it would be. The only thing I knew is that I wanted it to be some sort of plant. So, for my first tattoo, I ended up wanting to draw something myself. Many iterations later, I drew something kind of resembling an olive branch and from there it just kind of stuck. In a way, an olive branch had always been something kind of symbolic for me, but mostly, if I’m being honest with myself it’s because I love plants and I loved the idea of covering myself in beautiful botanical things.

I’m honestly not sure if the idea of getting an olive branch tattoo had more to do with me falling in love with caring for houseplants in the pandemic, growing up with ameteur botanist parents, or some combination. But I have always loved nature. My godmother tells me that when I was a toddler and she and my godfather would take me for walks around the block, it would sometimes take hours because I wanted to stop and admire every flower. Meanwhile, my ‘brothers’ — my chosen family— would lap me as they sprinted by. This story has been told to me many times over the years, and I love it because it always gets to the root of who I think I’ve always been: slow, intentional, and always fascinated with beautiful things.

All that to say, I’m not really sure what called to me about the olive branch. When I thought about getting my first tattoo, I had always imagined I’d be one of those people who had the perfect story for it: it was for a loved one, or a meaningful time in my life, or had some sort of epic significance. I had planned several such tattoos before deciding on this one. But there was kind of something freeing about just drawing an olive branch, and thinking ‘I like this, I think i't’s good enough. I want it on my body.’

It really was the most unlike me thing I think I’ve done in my life. I didn’t overthink it. If anything, I under-thought it. But as a recovering perfectionist, I think that is part of why I love it so much. I really just let myself fall, without really truly considering every possible negative outcome. That had never ever happened for me before, as a chronic worrier and over-thinker. It was truly the first time in my life I just went with my gut.

And that’s been the theme of my tattoo journey, if I’m being honest with myself. It’s not so much about picking out the most meaningful pieces, or having some sort of divine meaning behind each one. I haven’t planned out where to place my tattoos, what to get next, or really anything about the journey. I actively have chosen ‘flash’ tattoos over custom designs, honoring what the artist wants to tattoo and picking from their selection of artwork. This is not something I ever thought I would do, but I really have come across most of my pieces by stumbling across flash sheets and going ‘wow, that’s beautiful’ and just letting the piece mean something to me thorugh whatever feeling I get from it.

It might be weird to say, but I think that my tattoos pick me. I always tell people, ‘I just know them when I see them’. And that is kind of a beautiful thing in and of itself, just trusting in the universe that when you see a piece of artwork you think is beautiful, you’ll know it when it’s for you.

And I will admit, sometimes it’s very hard to explain to people my process of choosing tattoos. When they ask what most do, ‘what do they mean? ‘ it can be hard to know how to answer. Depending on the person, the situation, or context, I’ll make up a little story or anecdote about what each piece means to me. And it’s not really a lie, each piece does have meaning to me, but it gained the meaning by being on me, not so much the other way around. I didn’t pick it because it was meaningful. I really picked each piece because I thought they were beautiful. As my husband sometimes says when people ask him about his 27 tattoos— “I picked them because I like art.” And it’s really just as simple as that. And sometimes, depending on the situation and the trust I have int he other person, I really will just be honest with the and say, ‘I picked them because I think they’re beautiful.’ And that’s really it.

I think that can be frustrating to some, to consider why I might want to permanently alter my body just because they find something beautiful or I like how it looks. I’ve come across more than one perplexed family member when I say, ‘I just really love each piece because of how beautiful it looked, and I knew I wanted it tattooed on me.’ And I’ve considered the vanity implications of it, it definitely crosses my mind that part of the reason I do it is because I want to look a certain way. But I think it’s more than that. I have a beautiful story about every tattoo because I’ve picked each of my artists very intentionally.

Other than my husband, who has given me 3 out of my 13 tattoos, I’ve only ever been tattooed by women, and that is very intentional. Probably a story for another time, but I try very hard to make sure that every professional I surround myself with is a female-identifying person. It’s what makes me most comfortable and it hasn’t steered me wrong yet. As someone who is very sensitive and really empathically absorbs all the energy in a room, it’s important to me that people who I’m working with, whether they be doctors or specialists or tattoo artists, make me feel safe and comfortable.

And I know— I am so fortunate to have been able to have artwork on my body by some of the most talented female artists in the state of Washington. And more than that, I picked them because of their energy, and their belief that the culture of tattooing doesn’t have to be ‘sit with the pain and shut up while I blast metal through the speakers'.’ That it can be about reclaiming your body in a safe, beautiful, cozy space. That it is as much about consent and body autonomy as it is about sharing a connection with the person who is tattoing you. I really believe that this is part of the healing process that tattoing has brought for me. Sitting with inspiring, incredible women who often run their own businesses and just chatting for an hour while they permanently mark your skin. This is part of it for me— learning to trust. The tattoo might never be perfect. The placement might one day look off to me. But for that few hours, I am trusting them and they are trusting me. I think It’s a really beautiful thing.

My tattoo journey has been many things to me. I really think it is experienced differently by everyone, and that’s often why I enjoy talking to tattooed people and learning about what tattoos mean to them. But really, when it comes down to it, it has been a marker of growth. A way to honor and reclaim my body and also a form of self-care. My tattoos are all sacred to me and, have helped me find greater connection with myself. And after 3 years of this journey, I know that not everyone is going to get that— and that’s just fine with me.