Of all the years that I have set intentions and then get to January only to find myself feeling behind the ball already, I am pleased to say that this year feels a bit different. Partly because at this point in my life I’m a bit sick of my own shit, and partly because I finally am on the right medications and am incorporating what I’m learning about my ADHD brain into how I live my life.

Like I mentioned in one of my last posts about the influencer’s challenger, ‘becoming her’ I have started my year of with small but achievable goals that feel like for once they’re not too lofty for me to accomplish. I also have found some great creators in the ADHD space that have helped me come around to a bit of a different philosophy for how I go through life as someone with executive dysfuntion challenges.

Recently, I found this creator on YouTube, Haley Honeyman, who created this method for structuring your days / weeks in a way that is attainable for people who struggle with ADHD. Dubbed, ‘The Honeyman Method,’ it is centered around the idea that every day you’re not going to wake up as your ‘best self,’ and that’s completely okay. And in order to not give up when you’re not your peak self, you need to make accommodations to make sure that you’re still doing some things that are in line with who you want to be, even if it’s not 100% of them.

Hayley talks about crating different versions of her days based on the energy level she wakes up with. This really resonated for me, because sometimes my day can feel like a landslide, where if I fail at the first task I set for myself, then I give up on each other one because I lose momentum and self esteem. This creates a sort of shame spiral that I think many people with ADHD deal with, where you berate yourself for not being able to do little things until you just stop doing anything that’s good for you at all.

So that’s why the Honeyman Method really stood out and has been working for me. Basically I have tried to mimic the method by creating 3 different versions of my day, one for the best version of me, one for the middle version, and the lowest energy version. So for example, this is what my best self’s day might look like:

• Wake up by 7:30, immediately wash face, brush teeth, and do skincare

• Make a green drink, take vitamins, tidy up the house

• Walk Ember for at least 20 minutes

• Come home and make coffee, make a to-do list for the day

• Make breakfast and take meds

• Get started on work

• Take Ember on a second walk, this time in the forest which takes about 40 minutes round trip

• Come home and make lunch

• Do some more work

• Do a little house clean

• Walking pad session for 20 mins - an hour

• Finish up work for the day, do a little blog writing / brainstorming

• Take Ember on a last walk of the day

• Start cooking dinner, clean dishes while cooking

• Hang with husband, watch a show or movie

• Do night shift clean, wash face and brush teeth

• Get in bed and read

Now this all sounds great, and it’s definitely what I try to achieve on days when I wake up feeling my best. It incorporates self-care, lots of movement, eating on a schedule, getting Ember some great exercise, and some creative time slotted in there. But when it really comes down to it— this is not what my typcial day looks like. And the Honeyman method says, ‘hey, that’s totally okay. Not every day can look like that, and you have to make room for that in your life.’

So on a medium day, it might look like getting up at 8:30 instead of 7:30, taking 2 walks instead of 3, and no time on the walking pad. It might mean I eat a litte less healthy because I need comfort food that day but I still try and get greens and berries into one meal. It might look like not being able to do a full ‘night shift’ clean of the kitchen and watching tv in bed instead of reading.

And when I think about other types of days I have— the low energy, more sad and depressive episode days where I wake up with low dopamine, even that medium day sounds really hard to me. So it might look like just trying to get the basic things checked off, like making sure I brush my teeth in the morning, and I probably don’t have a green juice or take my vitamins. This will mean probably only 1 walk with Ember and letting her run around in the yard instead of a forest walk. It might mean eating a frozen meal for lunch just to make sure I get in some calories and ordering in dinner rather than making something from scratch. It means I maybe only tidy up one space in the house and I don’t push myself to do any writing if it’s feeling forced. It probably means getting to bed early and watching some tiktoks and a sitcom before going to bed, and washing my face with a face wipe instead of doing the whole skincare routine.

And even though this lowest common denominator day isn’t as optimal as I’d like it today— it is realistic. And that’s what I’m bringing more of into 2024: I want to be my best self every day, but that’s just not realistic, and I need to be kind to myself when that’s not possible. A big thanks to Hayley Honeyman for introducing this way of thinking to my life, it’s been really helpful for someone trying to navigate a new ADHD diagnosis and re-center their life based around it. And most importantly, it’s helped me to be nicer to myself along the way, no matter what kind of day I am having.