How Noah Kahan & Therapy Are Shaping My 30s
I’m a bit of a latecomer to Noah Kahan, I must admit. But in early 2023 I stumbled across the song Stick Season, and therefore the rest of his discography, and I have to admit that my life has never been the same since. I think he said it best himself, that he writes ‘therapy music,’ noting that multiple people have told him they’ve brought some of his lyrics to talk about with their counselors.
And well, that’s kind of been the theme of my year. This year I started going to weekly therapy sessions, which I feel very privileged to be able to do. It’s been one of the hardest but most important things I’ve done for myself in a long time. And alongside me on this journey has been Noah Kahan, with his beautiful, sad, heartbreaking music, that’s both helped break me open and stitch me back together all at once.
I am a big believer in therapy, and have gone pretty regularly all my life, but this year has been different for many reasons. First, I finally got to a point in my life where I was sick of always giving away all of my energy to others an not focusing on myself. Second, the end of 2022 was a very difficult time for my mental health and my marriage, and I needed to spend this year focusing on rebuilding myself in a lot of ways. And lastly— I finally began to shed some of the perfectionistic tendencies that I’ve been carrying around my whole life, which was a whole new ballgame for me. As an eldest daughter who felt like I always had to be the one to hold it together, and someone who has always been fighting people-pleasing tendencies, this year has been full of lessons on how to trust myself and listen to my truth above all else.
When I found Noah Kahan, I felt like I had found a way to cathartically release some of the sadness grief I was shedding through the many weeks of therapy sessions throughout 2023. I went through all of the emotions on the spectrum reliving old traumas and shedding past narratives about myself. I healed childhood wounds and learned to comfort parts of me that were protecting me in ways that served me as a child but were no longer serving me as an adult. And as I worked through it, I had this music guiding me along, as if it was the soundtrack to my healing.
It felt like his music was written for the wanderers, those trying desperately to find ways back to themselves, myself amongst them. And I felt like there was a song fror every variety of emotion I was feeling— when I was feeling rage-y and sad, Stick Season helped me lean into that and cathartically release some of those feelings. When I was feeling really lost needed a pick-me-up, New Perspective was always kind of a fun kicky way to lift myself up. When I needed a good scream, Homesick and Your Needs, My Needs were always my go-tos. If I needed a good cry, Call your Mom and Orange Juice were my most-played.
And as I listened to Noah Kahan bare his soul through his music, I think it gave me permission to feel the weight of things, and to let myself sit with grief and sadness and anger in ways I haven’t before. That’s somehting I’ve struggled with a lot— wanting to not be a victim to my problems or to revel in the sadness for too long. But something I’ve learned this year in therapy is that letting myself sit with my feelings is actually a necessary thing for me.
The theme of my therapy this year has been that I need to feel the weight of my feelings in order to move through them. As someone who has spent most of my life intellecualizing my emotions instead of sitting with them, this was a hard truth to confront. I’ve learned to create visualizations of these so called ‘parts’ of myself that are still hurting from past traumas, and this has been one of the greatest tools I’ve learned. Being able to name these old ‘parts’ and visualize them has helped me be able to send compassion these old pieces of me and help heal them.
And even though I’m far from done with my therapy journey or my self-growth, I think 2023 has been a monumental year for my healing. And throughout all of these therapy sessions, I’ve had Noah Kahan’s beautiful and sad music to guide me through. Feeling your feelings is hard, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you need to do it in order to be able to heal. And it’s nice to have a soundtrack for the journey.